What we try not to feel when we begin to care

Most of what people describe as the difficulty of dating isn't really about other people. It's the gap — the silence after a message is sent, the not-yet-knowing where you stand.

The mind rarely leaves that gap empty. It reaches into old drawers — past disappointments, moments that once taught us to be careful. So the body reacts not to what is happening, but to what the mind has retrieved.

Most of what we call strategy in dating is built on one quiet aim: to not be surprised, and so to not be hurt. The difficulty is that the thing we're looking for is usually the thing that can't be predicted.

I wrote about this for The Covetour Club.

Read the full essay : https://thecovetourclub.com/the-covetour-journal/dating-what-are-we-trying-not-to-fall-for